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More Tags: Quite a different situation exists with Martha and Paul. Martha is a junior in high school who has gone out several times with Paul. At twenty-six, Paul is still unmarried, and running his father's hotel on the main street of town. Paul is ready for marriage. He needs a woman in his life, and to help him with his work at the hotel. Martha, on the other hand, is gay and spirited, full of fun, and not yet ready for the kind of settled life Paul desires. Martha's parents are relieved to find that she now senses what they feared from the beginning. Thrilling as it is to have Paul's love and proposal of marriage, Martha is in the tough position of having to marry him very soon or break off completely with him; for, being older, out of school and eager to get married, he is impatient with a schoolgirl's reluctance to settle down. He doesn't wantto play around with the younger set as she does. A person like Elsie might find in Paul the same kind of stability she enjoys in her Ralph, but for Martha, Paul is far too urgent and mature for either marriage or dating.
In dating older out-of-school men, then, one of the key questions is how ready the girl is for marriage and how willing she is to give up her own way of life for the settled one of a mature man.
"MY WIFE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME ..."
There should be no question about it-in dating a married man a girl always takes a risk. Such a man is not free to take a girl out, to make love to her, or to marry her. Until he is free, he is expected to consort only with his wife, and to en-
gage in social activities where there is no pairing off with other women. Many a lonely married man seeks the companionship of an understanding woman. If she's young, she brings him the added sensation of feeling youthful again himself. If she is sympathetic, she may meet deep emotional needs within him. He, on the other hand, may appear to her to be seasoned, wise, mature, experienced. She may feel flattered by his attention. She may be touched by confessions of how his wife misunderstands him. And before she knows it, she's involved beyond her expectations in mixed emotions that lead all too often to heartache.
Sometimes a girl walks into such a relationship with her eyes wide open. More often, though, the man doesn't tell the girl he's married, for fear she won't date him. And usually the relationship has progressed some distance before the girl is aware of the actual situation. By that time she may be too fond of the man or too sorry for him to know how to withdraw effectively. The wisest thing, of course, is for a girl to break off a relationship as soon as she discovers that a man is married.
If she can uncover his matrimonial status before she ever goes out with him, she is on still safer ground. This isn't always easy, especially in relationships that spring up without proper sponsorship. If a girl meets a man through a friend or member of the family, she can learn at once whether he is married. If she meets him at a public place, or through casual acquaintances, her chances of getting facts about him are limited. This is one of the main arguments for confining one's social life to acceptable circles and one's friendships to those who are vouched for upon introduction.
WHEN THE WOMAN IS OLDER
Public opinion says that the man should always be older than the girl he dates. Some girls feel this pressure of opinion so strongly that they refuse to reveal their true ages if they are indeed older than their dates. They may even deliberately falsify their ages and pretend to be younger than they are. Actually a girl can be older than the boy she dates, and a woman older than the man she marries, without any damageto the relationship unless one or the other of them makes an issue over their relative ages.
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